Instead of Against It In This Neurotypical World
Learning I am Autistic changed many things for me. But it mostly made me realize that my brain is wired differently than others and I need to stop working against it and instead work with it. I need to use the resources available to me and my self-awareness to make my own rules.
This article will cover three main topics:
How to check in with your physical self
How to check in with your mental self
Setting boundaries, communicating needs, and using accommodations
Let’s get started.
Check-In With Your Physical Self
It takes time and patience, but the benefits of learning how to check in with yourself and your body are enormous. As a caveat, I will admit I’m still working on this, often I don’t realize I need to eat or drink something until I’ve completed a task and stood up from my desk. However, I have developed ways to pause and check myself to make sure I don’t (always) forget to eat until I’m shaking and feeling faint.
I use a basic mindfulness practice for this. I take no more than a few seconds to a minute to examine my body from head to toe. Over time I’ve increased my awareness of my body’s physical sensations through this process. I go through and ask myself questions:
Does my head hurt?
Is my jaw clenched?
Am I hungry?
Do I need to use the bathroom?
I know how difficult it is to sense these things given our lack of interoception which is why I also tie in practical time-related questions:
When was the last time I ate?
When was the last time I used the bathroom?
When was the last time I had a drink of water?
Whenever I start to feel off — I’m frustrated with my work, I’m trying to push through a problem rather than find a proper solution — it usually means I’m suppressing or ignoring some physical or mental sensation. This is my cue to check in and run through the mindfulness practice.
Sometimes this means switching tasks and doing something else. Other times it means packing the work away and resting. Checking in with your physical self includes recognizing when you need to rest!
This can be:
A nap
Letting yourself sleep in
Going to bed earlier than usual
I keep a strict(ish) routine. I added the “ish” because occasionally for unknown reasons I’m still tired in the morning and rather than forcing myself to get up I let myself sleep. I recognize that is what my body needs and I fulfill that need.
Of course, I do recognize the privilege it is to work from home and work for myself. However, even the decision to start my own business grew out of recognizing my needs.
Check-In With Your Mental Self
Checking in with your body ensures everything is well and good, but you must also remember your mind. This can be done during the same mindfulness practice from above. You can ask yourself if you’re feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated. How big (or small) is your mental load? How much stress or anxiety are you experiencing?
I find this part of the examination works best when I write it down. I do daily check-ins in my bullet journal so I can ask myself these questions and others, such as:
How have I been spending my time?
How have these activities made me feel?
Is there anything bothering me? Playing on repeat in my mind?
How have these thoughts or issues made me feel?
A little side note here: I know how difficult it is to name our emotions.
I recommend using the Emotion Wheel, which you can just google, and/or reading The Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown. The book covers all sorts of emotions and feelings and helped me understand their deeper meanings.
Routines are also useful for this because if 10–20 minutes are set aside each day to journal and practice mindfulness I’m more likely to do it. I even set up a whole new daily routine for myself when I realized I wasn’t being productive in the way I wanted to be.
You can read more about that in this article A Look Inside an Autistic’s Daily Routine.
Boundaries and Accommodations
Lastly, I want to discuss boundaries and accommodations. Working with your brain, instead of against it, means having the self-awareness of your limitations and what you need help with.
Boundaries
The best thing I did when setting up my new routine was keeping my limitations in mind and setting boundaries. My sister and I live together and she occasionally has a day off in the middle of the week. I had to set the boundary and remind her that just because she’s off work doesn’t mean I am. I might be self-employed, but if I didn’t follow a structure I’d get nothing done.
In other settings, like a workplace, this can look like taking that moment to think before answering, before taking on a task or tasks you don’t actually have the energy for.
Before immediately saying “yes” think about:
How you’re currently feeling?
What you’re currently working on?
What you will be working on soon?
Do you have the mental capacity to take on something else?
I know our instincts can be to people-please, but taking a minute to think about your state of mind and capabilities means you’re taking care of yourself and simultaneously preventing burnout. I say set your boundaries and make your own rules because all the neurotypical ones are made up too.
Communicate Needs and Delegate
The good thing about living with my sister, who is also neurodivergent, is that we both understand our limitations and deal with overstimulation. If I’m overstimulated when she comes home from work, but she still feels ok, then maybe she’ll cook supper for us that night. It’s a nice trade-off because while she cooks I can rest or stim, and then I do the dishes after we eat and I’m feeling better.
Accommodations
This is also where accommodations come in handy. Having this trade-off system with my sister is a type of accommodation.
I can also:
Take stim breaks during the day
Listen to music if I’m understimulated
Use my earplugs if I’m overstimulated
Use the fidgets I keep in my desk
Go for a walk and reset
Because I’m self-employed and I work from home I have much more control over my environment and sensory input than if I worked in an office or other work environment.
Final Thoughts
There you have it. Checking in with and knowing yourself really pays off in the long term because the more you know and understand how your mind works the better you can optimize your life. Or in other words: work with your unique brain and its functionality rather than against it. Especially in a world that was not made for people like us.
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