Autism in Heels by Jennifer Cook O’Toole Book Review Photo by Author This year I want to read more books about the autistic experience. I’ve only read a handful so far, but thanks to Hoopla, Libby, and my local library I can actually check some more books off my masterlist of recommendations. For January, I read Autism in Heels . It was one of the first books I sought to buy and read, but despite Indigo saying they had a copy in stock, it was not where it was supposed to be in store and I had to leave without it. The upside is, I am glad I didn’t find the book that day when I was so newly diagnosed. I think I read Autism in Heels at just the right time in my life when I could process the contents already equipped with 4(ish) years of an understanding of myself and autism. So, what’s this book actually about…? Summary Autism in Heels, an intimate memoir, reveals the woman inside one of autism’s most prominent figures, Jennifer O’Toole. At the age of thirty-five, Jennifer was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, and for the first time in her life, things made sense. Now, Jennifer exposes the constant struggle between a carefully crafted persona and authentic existence, editing the autism script with wit, candor, passion, and power. Her journey is one of reverse self-discovery not only as an Aspie but–more importantly–as a thoroughly modern woman. Whether it’s bad perms or body image, sexuality or self-esteem, Jennifer’s is as much a human journey as one on the spectrum. Because autism “looks a bit different in pink,” most girls and women who fit the profile are not identified, facing years of avoidable anxiety, eating disorders, volatile relationships, self-harm, and stunted independence. Jennifer has been there, too. Autism in Heels takes that message to the mainstream. ( The StoryGraph ) Content Warnings While the book contains warnings before the specific chapters (Ch. 8 and 9) that require them, please be aware that this book does contain depictions of eating disorders and abuse. You can skip these chapters if you choose to read the book. See the full list of content warnings on The Storygraph . You’ve Met One Autistic Person My initial thought while reading this was, “This is a memoir of one autistic person.” While I definitely related to some aspects of O’Toole’s experience, I did not resonate with it all. As the saying goes, “If you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.” Autism is considered a spectrum disorder and where each autistic person’s traits fall on that spectrum determines only that they are autistic. We are as unique as the rest of the world’s population, we just happen to have some things in common. For example, a propensity to avoid eye contact. In some cases, however, this manifests as making too much eye contact or finding loopholes by staring at a person’s eyebrows or the space between their eyes. Western society, generally, values eye contact which is why it’s so noticeable when it comes to not making eye contact. Masking and Gender Norms Due to this societal expectation, autistics will sometimes do their best to mimic these expectations and neurotypical standards to try to fit in. This is called masking and/or camouflaging. It is much more common among autistic girls and women. I believe this is, at least partially, due to the gender norms embedded in society. Girls face more pressure to fit in with their peers, obey authority figures, and demonstrate emotional maturity at a younger age than boys. An article from Planned Parenthood says, “Girls and women are generally expected to dress in typically feminine ways and be polite, accommodating, and nurturing. [Boys and] men are generally expected to be strong, aggressive, and bold.” Asking a million questions, avoiding eye contact, having an innate preference for affective/emotional empathy over cognitive empathy, and generally being uncomfortable comforting others and being touched…well, to put it nicely being an autistic girl is challenging . I remember as early as 1st grade (about 5–6 years old) already trying to conform to both spoken and unspoken social rules. While O’Toole masked her way through social challenges by being extroverted, I became the “shy” girl. Out of fear of saying the wrong thing I chose not to say anything at all. I had friends if only for the fact that I attended the same small school from kindergarten to eighth grade (and when I say small, I mean small. We were a graduating class of 16, about half of which were girls). Academic Excellence High school posed a different challenge altogether. It was louder, there were more students and more crowds, and I was shuffling from classroom to classroom all day. It was a routine, but it was a stress-filled routine. I was constantly overstimulated which only contributed further to my quiet nature. While O’Toole continued to put herself out there taking theatre and drama classes and becoming an actor, I (mostly) enjoyed my solitude. Friendships meant expending more energy I already didn’t have so I just didn’t have any. Instead, I focused on school: the projects, the tests, the homework, the deadlines. I wasn’t a straight-A student, but I was pretty damn close. I loved math the most. I liked solving problems, finding satisfying answers, I liked the reliability of facts. There was one specific equation to use to find one specific answer. I couldn’t go wrong. Screenshot from The StoryGraph The Friendships I Did Have The key thing I learned from Autism in Heels that I didn’t know before was that it’s common for autistic’s to form relationships with either older or younger individuals rather than direct peers. The social hierarchy is clearer. If O’Toole interacted with people younger than her she was automatically the one “in charge,” if she interacted with anyone older she became “the apprentice.” She could listen and learn from these people and/or easily talk their ears off because it’s more acceptable for an adult to let a child go off on a tangent and not expect any reciprocal conversation. I also experienced this. I more readily wanted to hang out with my peer’s parents than my actual peers. People my age were boring, interested in things I wasn’t, and more often than not treated me as the younger, little-er friend because I’m quite petite. The reality was I had lots to express and thoughts I wanted to share, often about deeper topics than my peers cared for, but their parents or other adults within my parent’s social circle would listen. Eating Disorders and Abusive Relationships O’Toole does not shy away from serious topics in this memoir as I mentioned at the beginning. She shares her struggles with eating disorders. She believes when evaluating girls for EDs they should also be checking for autistic traits as she sees that much of an overlap between the two. Living in a world that was not made for you or how your brain works can lead to extreme countermeasures to find some semblance of order amongst the chaos. O’Toole expressed that her struggles were less about wanting to be thin and more about the meticulous spreadsheets she could keep, the calories she could track, and the control she could have over her body when everything else was out of control. She also shares the abuse she suffered in relationships. Due to the need to try to fit in, please others, and not be our weird selves, some autistics are more prone to entering manipulative or abusive relationships without realizing it. Without a solid, foundational, sense of self, it’s easier as one gets older to enter into unhealthy relationships. O’Toole discusses the concept of a “diffuse sense of self.” Dr. Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault describes having a diffuse sense of self as “someone who changes who they are depending on their circumstances and what they think others want from them.” It’s common among autistic’s and abuse survivors. I think, for me personally, I am more likely to see any abuse or manipulation for what it is because my mother (who was also likely autistic) provided me with a safe environment to (mostly) be myself. She always encouraged me and helped improve my confidence, and in turn, made sure I had a strong sense of self (though I recognize not everyone has that kind of support). Final Thoughts I’ll leave you with a few quotes from Autism in Heels that I found to be impactful. “It is now our charge to explain that, regardless of how obvious our autism is to others, it is equally present to the person living it.” “The experience of life from within any group has to be described by members of that group.” “It’s our universal need, often hidden beneath anger, arrogance, disinterest, or distrust…a quiet, insistent plea to be loved exactly as we are.”

Stories connect us: all of us. Photo by Resource Boy During tough times or gleeful ones, when anger arises or tears begin to fall, my journal and pen sit waiting and ready for me. Words are a balm imbued with magic; they help heal my soul. To write is to release: release stress but also imagination. To put pen to paper or fingertips to keys is to settle into an internal reflection, an escape as much as an intentional presence of the self. Writing is my companion when I have something to say but need to find the right words before they leave my lips. In writing, I can explore my darkest depths and my farthest imaginations. I can hold infinity in the palm of my hand and make you see, in your mind’s eyes, a galaxy. I can paint the sky purple, a soft lilac shade, as rays of yellow light, like arrows, try their best to strike through the oncoming twilight. I can make you taste the saltiness of rainfall, make you smell that petrichor perfume that lingers even as the grey clouds begin to disperse, as the fog begins to lift. I can make you hear birdsong, a faraway chiming of voices so different from your own but nonetheless still beautiful. I can make all this true even if it is not in this very moment. Words are memory. They are a record of the author’s emotions and a silent ask for the reader’s empathy. They carry a piece of a soul, a soul in all its impossible fragility. It is both breakable glass and sparkling diamond. Read with care. Read carefully . Because words can be swift. Harsh. Cutting. They can be an avalanche. A blizzard of cold-swept cheeks and cracked lips. But words can also be strung together slowly, a river of eloquence flowing, one soft word into the next, each period rippling, an ellipsis like stones skipping across the water…. If words are memory, then stories are emotion. Writers carry their joy, their sadness, their desire in the letters of the words they write–both to release the emotion within themselves and to carry it forward over to you. To make you feel what they have felt. A transference of humanity without direct experience. For even in a make-believe world with ferocious dragons, you, too, know of the immobilizing fear the hero must overcome. Even you know of their bravery when they do. The world needs writers. It needs stories written by as many human beings as possible, from as many backgrounds, cultures, and abilities as possible. Humanity is, finally, not in the business of burning books, of wiping out the so-called enemies. The world needs records of history written by both sides of a battle. The world needs stories. For as long as there have been people, there have been stories. Passed down from one generation to the next. Books borrowed, shared amongst friends, bound so tightly together that the pages inside remain untouched by flame and by fire. Stories, centuries old, copied and printed for new eyes. I can learn about the tragic life of a general from 11th-century Scotland, written by a man from 17th-century England. I can read about housewives from the 50s and 60s igniting the second wave of feminism in the United States. I can discover the monster and its creation that invented an entirely new genre of fiction in 1818. A whole 180 years before I was born. Life preserves itself in the words, the emotions, and the dreams we write down. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a thousand words is a careful, devoted attempt at capturing life’s enigmas. A human effort to convey love or betrayal, hope or fear. Poets have dedicated years of their lives to finding just the right words and putting them in just the right order to make you feel. To make you think. Writing is a wonder. Reading is wonderful. Whether facts or fantasy each word we read, each word we write, is an ode to humanity. We are, all of us, trying to make sense of ourselves and of each other. And the fact that we–each day, each year, each century–continue to do this through the written word is a truly beautiful thing. A silent communication between strangers. An understanding between souls. One that overcomes any difference in time or person. During tough times or gleeful ones, when anger arises or tears begin to fall, my journal and pen sit waiting and ready for me. And that is all I’ve ever needed. And that is all the world just might need to begin to heal.

Photo by Tatiana Syrikova Lately, I’ve been thinking about disabilities; my disability, and how everyone will someday become disabled if they are not already. More so, how the world we live in is not equipped for us. I struggle every day as an Autistic person — even as someone who is petite and who needs glasses. Our world is built for the typical, able-bodied man. Disappointed doesn’t cover the feeling of…betrayal. The world, really other human beings, have let so many of us down. Of course, it should go without saying, that there are many wonderful people out there who are supportive and understanding. But it’s so much easier to notice, in our day-to-day lives, the difficulties. Commonplaceness Creates Invisibility Autism aside for the moment, consider the example of wearing glasses. When one is experiencing blurry vision or has an issue or impairment of the eyes, they need prescription glasses. We take it for granted because of it’s commonplaceness. However, glasses are not cheap. Optometrist appointments are not cheap. You’re supposed to go once a year. I don’t know about you, but I can’t afford that. Especially if it means I might need a new pair of glasses for every annual appointment (my last appointment and new glasses cost a total of CAD $700). It makes me wonder about the people with even less than me. Less money, less access, less ability. How many out there need glasses, can’t afford them, and spend their days squinting uselessly and only worsening their eyesight? Disability benefits are only given to those who are legally blind, and while I can write off the cost on my income tax, coming up with the money in the first place can be challenging. Let’s bring things back to Autism. Autism as a Disability I’ve known I’m Autistic for 3 years now. As I have come to join the community of others like me and understand how my brain works, the subsequent difficulties have become glaringly obvious. I’m going to start small and work my way up to the larger challenges. Overstimulation Expends Valuable Mental Energy Firstly, my brain is more sensitive to sensory input. This includes all the senses (and then some). I am particularly sensitive to touch. I use the metaphor of touching a slimy, wet, plastic shower curtain. That is what it feels like on good days. On bad days, it hurts. Fluorescent lighting is also difficult and often causes headaches. But there are also other visual sensory inputs that neurotypical people aren’t consciously aware of. Think of a shelf at a grocery store. How many different products are there? How many brands of the same product? How many colours are on the packaging? Even I forget about its impact sometimes, but visual overstimulation is just as debilitating as any other form. Then, staying with the grocery store, you add in the bright lights, the background music, the people and their chatter, the beeping of the check-outs, and so on. It all adds up. Something as simple as getting groceries or running errands can expend plenty of mental energy. Some days, even stepping outside in a busy neighbourhood near a highway becomes overwhelming. Photo by Jess Bailey Designs Routine Decision Fatigue Next, I want to discuss decision fatigue. Unlike neurotypical brains, many neurodivergent brains, including Autistic ones, do not have the ability to form habits. I have my routines and rituals, and I know the next step in the process, but I am still consciously thinking of each step. Even brushing my teeth gets broken down into turning the tap on, wetting the toothbrush, putting toothpaste on, wetting the toothpaste, and brushing my teeth — even this can be further broken down because I need to make sure I brush evenly. Needless to say, I am paying attention to every step of the process even when just getting ready for the day. And each step is another decision I’m making. On good days, it’s only the start of my day and on bad days, it’s all I can do. Sustainable Employment: Like Finding a Unicorn The largest challenge by far is work. Finding work, doing the work, and not burning out from the work…or rather from the people and environment. I can do the work, make no mistake, I am a skilled and accomplished person. But the process of finding a job and working in that job, sustainably, is not designed with disabilities in mind. Take the classic job interview. A meeting where eye contact and the utmost professionalism are required, where nervous fidgeting will make you look like you’re not ready, where “fit” is more important than skill. In my experience, I feel I’ve only succeeded in two interviews — and one was only a mock interview. In total, I’ve really only done a handful of interviews despite applying to dozens and dozens of jobs over the years. You know the job market is laughable when you get excited about a rejection because at least someone took the time to respond at all. Bringing it All Together If you take the above points together you can start to understand the difficulty of an Autistic person trying to become and stay employed. Working in an office or other environment outside my control is overstimulation waiting to happen and as an everyday occurrence. My sister works at a grocery store and well…you read how overwhelming that would be for me. I can barely spend 20 minutes in a grocery store let alone a full shift. This has been top of mind because I am currently in the process of finding a job in addition to being self-employed. I need a more reliable income and to do that I need a reliable job. But, I know I will struggle with anything that is not remote, where I cannot control my environment and sensory input. I know I will burn out working full-time hours because I have in the past. I know I will have to make more than minimum wage because I can only work part-time. I know I will have to mask during any interviews I get, that I will have to have to script every answer to a plethora of questions I might be asked, and that I will have to decide whether it is safe to disclose and seek accommodations during this process. The concept of employment often seems out of reach, a useless circle of events. Update the resume, apply to jobs (all online), and be vetted (likely by an algorithm). In a stroke of luck, you get an interview. In an even bigger stroke of luck, it turns out your mask held up and you passed the neurotypical test. You get the job. You go to the job and work in an overwhelming sensory-filled environment, you continue to wear the mask during every interaction with co-workers and customers alike. You burn out after a few months. You quit. You restart the process all over again. To top it all off, you can’t apply for disability benefits because as a Level 1 Autistic you won’t qualify. Your disability is not disabling enough. This is why I started my own business. This is why I created NOTOLUX. Working remotely from the comfort of my home and doing work I know I am skilled at and can sustain long-term seemed like the only option for me. Unfortunately, as any entrepreneur can tell you, running a business, and a successful one at that, is challenging even if you’re not disabled. All this is to say that our capitalistic society doesn’t even work how capitalism is supposed to, that even the abled are struggling to live on a minimum wage income. And the disabled? What if, like myself, they need or want more support? I’d like to see a therapist. I’d like to purchase more Loop earplugs to suit each situation I find myself in. I’d like to purchase a pair of good-quality noise-cancelling headphones. Clothes that don’t upset my sensory sensitivities. A car to actually go places. Like the dentist. Or optometrist appointments. I’d like to live a full and complete life. One where I can get the medical check-ups I need, attend therapy and still be able to comfortably pay the bills. But the system as a whole seems to work against me. In fact, I wonder if it was built against me. A purposeful system of exclusion and of jumping through hoops that lead to nowhere. Final Thoughts Despite the dismal words above, I am grateful I know and am Autistic. I’m happy I know how my brain works and that I can find ways to work with it. I would not change a thing about me because it is not me who needs to change, but rather the society we live in. A society that excludes minority after minority. Women, BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and the disabled. If I accomplish anything in life I hope it is building a way to live my best life, and if only to prove it is possible with courage, hope, and human beings treating each other like human beings.

A poem from tomorrows by Brittany Luckham Photo by Alex Andrews I only wish there was some manual To this thing that lies beneath my rib cage A way to read the feelings That can’t make it to my brain And plaster themselves as thoughts So I could try to understand How broken and yet connected The strings really are I only want to know How I have come so far And how I can keep going on Because it’s only my heart That never makes sense All these emotions And yet I only see dreams That can never come true This poem is from my upcoming book, Tomorrows. Tomorrows is a collection of poetry written between 2017 and 2018, while I struggled with depression, anxiety, and — unknown at the time — Autism.

Reedsy Prompt: Write the origin story of a notorious villain. Originally published: Aug 26, 2024 on Medium Last week I paid the $5 and submitted a short story to Reedy Prompts for a chance to win $250. I have no expectations of winning, but I thought I’d give it a chance. Given the release of Deadpool and Wolverine last week’s prompt was Heroes and Villains. Then there are five additional prompts to choose from. I decided to write the origin story of a notorious villain. Photo by Jared Subia on Unsplash Note: brief mentions of blood, war, and death. Ziva didn’t ask to be the villain. She never desired such an accomplishment. Life merely…necessitated…her acts of destruction amidst the seemingly idyllic Kingdom of Tajiem. Beyond the fanciful and harmonious citizens, the lush fields that never suffered drought, the economy that never depressed, the taxes that never rose, and the kindly population of shops and homes in an ever-expanding city beyond the palace walls. Beyond all this, King Luther feasted on his soldiers, bellowing orders. He started another secret war of underground missions, berated his staff, reprimanded even the smallest mistake, and welcomed his share of mistresses. Tajiem had entrusted their care and happiness to a man as superficially idyllic as the kingdom itself. And as the Princess of this facade, Ziva had had enough of its untruth. Hidden away in the lost-to-memory tunnels and passageways under and between the palace stone, Ziva gathered her allies. A tricky endeavour. In part due to the instilled fear her father wrought in all who worked for him. In part due to her distrust of others. But slowly, through the Summer, Spring, and into Fall when the leaves began to wither to sunbursts of colour, Ziva had found her troops. The palace staff readily switched sides in her favour. Unlike her father and late brothers, Ziva welcomed their camaraderie. Tabitha, a now elderly handmaiden, had once raised her, carrying the tiny princess through the corridors of her home. Now, it was Tabitha who convinced the other staff to side with the bold child she’d raised. Persuading the soldiers and guards was a separate mission. Like her older brothers, many of the troops that had suffered at the hands of her father had suffered too in death. Luther had gone through five generals in ten years. So, Ziva had only the young men of Tajiem who’d spent their childhood dreaming of serving her father and going to battle. Anything was better than the labour they endured on the farms. They trained and fought the same way as when they ploughed those very fields, with a smile on their face. Ziva had to turn to unconventional soldiers, those who’d been unnecessarily terminated from the military. Soldiers like Elias, a man who smiled and meant it, a man who dared show her kindness, who dared ask permission to court her. Luther exiled him to life in the dungeons that same sultry afternoon. Faking his death to release him was easy. Getting him back through the kingdom’s borders required some creative thinking and plenty of help from her other allies. It’d taken longer than she’d wanted, but by the end of Spring, he was by her side. Elias had met someone along the way. Jacob, barely a teenager, whom he’d rescued from arrest by creating a clever diversion. Jacob who had recently lost his parents to a sickness, then the family farm, and now had three younger sisters to feed and care for. He’d tried to steal from his neighbours and despite expressing no interest in pressing charges, Tajiem soldiers carried the boy off. Whatever lies the soldiers told convinced both Jacob and his neighbours he’d go unharmed. Yet he showed up in the tunnels before Ziva with a black eye, swollen and indigo. After Elias and Jacob, Ziva sought out Alina and Marjorie. Alina was Luther’s mistress for nearly two years. He’d promised an education for her children and a Ladyship with a brand new home for her. Until another, younger, woman caught his hollow eyes. Marjorie with her youthful smile, despite her greying hair, stood accused of witchcraft and sentenced to drown. Rightly so, laughably, but a true witch on her side was not something Ziva could pass up. Her father might hail a name like Luther the Dragonheart, and fail to believe in magic, but Ziva had always seen more than his aging mind could grasp. When Fall wandered in, the princess had her allies, her plan, and her rage more than ready. Everyone had their tasks, including her. It was finally time to remove the mask of Tajiem that Luther had crafted. “What if it doesn’t work?” Alina questioned that morning. “It will,” Ziva insisted, sharpening her knife. “But what if it doesn’t?” Ziva eyed the woman with a glint of mischievousness. “It’ll work because it has to because we haven’t come this far to quit now, we — I — owe it to my people to set this right.” She slid the knife into its sheathe at her waist. “No more hiding behind closed doors.” Early that evening the team found their positions. Jacob snuck a heavy sedative into the evening meal for the in-house guards and soldiers. Elias set traps throughout the corridors using the passageways built for the staff. Marjorie cast her illusion. And Alina set about confronting her former lover in his chambers. Ziva close by for when the situation inevitably strayed south. While the city washed their evening dishes and settled down for the night with their children begging to stay up just a little longer, Elias released the first trap. A fire, more smoke than flame, blazed on the westward tower. The sleeping king lay in the easternmost one. Alina had kept her key and used it now to unlock the heavy wooden doors of Luther’s chambers, startling him awake. Confronting a man of his demeanour posed risks, of course. Alina was not a tall woman, thin and petite (the way he liked). But starting a fight with a man who could throw you to the ground with only one hand was nothing short of terrifying. Without Marjorie’s protective shield in place around the former mistress, Alina would have abandoned the mission and fled with her children. Now, the more she spoke, the higher her voice raised, and the higher her voice raised, the more anger flared in her eyes for what he had done to her. As he raised his fist to strike, Ziva fled from the shadows, brandished her knife, and slid a hand over her father’s mouth. He fell to his knees first, then flopped to the ground in an unsatisfying thud. “Clear,” Ziva called. Elias and Jacob now marched through the door, picking the King up to ready him for his last public appearance. Alina had blood sprayed across her cheeks, a devilish smile plastered across her lips. “It worked.” Ziva sheathed her knife, matching her smile. “Not yet,” she admitted. “There’s one last thing to do.” The following morning in the city’s square, King Luther hung from a pole, blood now dried down his front, forever staining the expensive cloth. As the people woke to Ziva’s call, whispers erupted, children ran to fetch others, and the Princess of Tajiem decreed that the King was dead by her hand and claimed the crown for herself. There was laughter. Tears. Applause. As the soldiers and guards woke from their slumber, or otherwise finally put out the fake fire, they too joined in the celebration. Well, not all of them. A few glared her way but could do nothing about their betrayal. Ziva was the only living heir of Luther, and though a woman, would change the patriarchal laws long before she would have to marry to hold her new position as Queen. Queen of Tajiem. ~~~ As thunder rolled across the starless sky and lightning splashed across the glass, Ziva gathered her troops one last time that day and led them down to the dungeons. Down to the last level, farthest from any doorway or exit, Ziva frowned at her father, chained to the wall. “You should have killed me,” he grumbled. “And give you that satisfaction,” she said, “No. No this is better. Death would be too easy an escape for you.” “Then why fake it?” Luther asked. Sweat dripped down his forehead, his clothes covered in dirt, the bloody illusion Marjorie cast long gone. The rags suited him, Ziva thought, no more glamour to wear, no more charm to hide behind. “The people needed the safety of your death. I needed the revenge of your life.” See, Ziva didn’t ask to be the villain. She only set out to destroy her father to save her kingdom — to rule her kingdom — truly, having never had the chance. So, let her father’s former enemies believe his death, believe his vengeful daughter killed him smiling. Let the soldiers obey her orders with gritted teeth. Then, let her enemies falter in their hatred when she offers condolences and gold for Luther’s destruction in war. Let the soldiers flinch, but never feel the sting of her wrath because it is not there. Let the people come to trust her as they never trusted before. Let her be her father’s villain if she no longer has to hide behind his mask.

Since it can be so hard to find decent resources on Autism in adults, especially adult women, I thought I’d create a master list of helpful links. *If you know of any resources that you think should be added to this list please email me at brittany@notolux.ca or contact me via my website www.notolux.ca . Table of Contents Articles and Blogs My Posts on Autism General Articles Autism and Trauma Unmasking Autism Women with Autism Employment and Autism Education and Autism Mental Health and Autism Autistic Children Books TedTalks and Videos People and Organizations Formal Diagnosis Resources Autism Research Articles & Blogs My Posts on Autism All About Autism | NOTOLUX General Articles Super Powers & Kryptonites Autism in Adults Autism & Empathy Introducing: the Pseudotypical Touch Sensitivities Autism’s sex ratio, explained Sex differences in autism spectrum disorders New research explains autistic’s exceptional visual abilities : [Autistic’s] concentrate more brain resources in the areas associated with visual detection and identification, and conversely, have less activity in the areas used to plan and control thoughts and actions. Heightened sensory perceptions : Our rods and cones are different. 85% of us see colours with greater intensity than neurotypicals, with red appearing nearly fluorescent; 10% saw red as neurotypical children do, and 5% saw muted colours. Why 'Neurodiversity' and 'Neurodivergence' Shouldn't Be Used Interchangeably : "Humans, as a species, are neurodiverse because no two people’s minds and brains are the same. But if you mean that your brain [or] mind doesn’t function in a way that’s considered 'normal,' then... that means you’re 'neurodivergent,'" notes Cara Liebowitz, a multiply-disabled activist and writer. Synaptic Growth, Synesthesia & Savant Abilities : In autistic individuals this synaptic pruning process happens to a far lesser degree, meaning a lot of these “redundant” connections remain intact. Autism and Trauma Autistic Adults May Be Erroneously Perceived as Deceptive and Lacking Credibility Autism and PTSD Are Vulnerably Linked : The research demonstrates that even mild stressors, which typically wouldn’t affect others, can trigger PTSD in those with autism, exacerbating core autistic traits like repetitive behavior. Autism combined with high IQ increases risk of suicidal thoughts At the intersection of autism and trauma : Clinicians suspect that the condition increases the risk for certain kinds of trauma, such as bullying and other forms of abuse. Yet few studies have investigated that possibility or the psychological aftermath of such trauma, including PTSD. America’s Most Popular Autism Therapy May Not Work — and May Seriously Harm Patients’ Mental Health : (*Mentions Autism Speaks) As neurodivergent adults have moved into the ranks of academic and independent researchers, some have begun compiling evidence that ABA subjects are more likely than other autists to suffer from PTSD and other serious mental health problems. A hopefully helpful excerpt from Unmasking Autism  by Devon Price, pages 72–75:  “When it comes to mental illness and disability, diagnostic categories are really flawed things. A disorder is a cluster of symptoms and traits that tend to go together, but don’t always, and the way those clusters get organized tends to change over time….Often a person exists somewhere on a spectrum between multiples disorders, or have a unique combination of traits from multiple conditions.” “People with post-traumatic stress disorder, for example, can look very similar to Autistic people. PTSD sufferers tend to be afraid of large crowds, are easily rattled by loud noises, and become more reserved when placed in hard-to-read situations. PTSD-fueled hypervigilance can look a lot like masking: you’re constantly scanning your environment for threats, and modulating how you present yourself, so you can stay safe. To complicate matters, many Autistic people experience trauma at a young age, and have PTSD symptoms from that.” “For all these reasons, it’s not always possible (or helpful) to try to untangle which of a person’s traits are Autistic and which are caused by the trauma of being neurodiverse in a neurotypical world. Daan is a forty-year-old man living in the Netherlands, and in addition to being Autistic, he was abused by both his parents. He tells me his diagnosis of complex PTSD effectively masked his neurodivergence for many, many years.” Unmasking Autism Shifting my Unmasking from Revealing to Unearthing Women with Autism The Art of Masking: Autistic Women who Mask Females And Autism/Aspergers: A Checklist Autism in Women 5 Things I Wish People Understood About Autism How Finding Out I’m Autistic Helped Me Learn To Love Myself Autism Spectrum Diagnosis Helped Comic Hannah Gadsby ‘Be Kinder’ To Herself Employment and Autism Neurodiversity as a Competitive Advantage Activist Business Leaders Leading The Way In Flipping The Neurodiversity Narrative ‘Autism advantage’ to neurodiverse employees Neurodiversity in the Workplace How to Support Neurodiversity in the Workplace How Neurodiverse Employees Move Your Business Forward How Neurodiversity in the workplace can benefit business Considering Neurodiversity It’s time for the data and marketing industry to embrace neurodiversity The Success Spectrum: Neurodiversity In The Workplace Education and Autism STEM Resource List for Neurodivergent Kids (*From BitIRA) Mental Health and Autism Mental Health, Drugwatch and ADHD, Drugwatch (*from Drugwatch) Autistic Children Autistic Children and Developmental Milestones A Guide to Dental Care for Children with Autism  (*From Byte. I think this article is very informative and could be helpful for children and adults) Autistic brains create more information at rest, study show : New research finds that the brains of autistic children generate more information at rest — a 42 percent increase on average. The study offers a scientific explanation for the most typical characteristic of autism — withdrawal into one’s own inner world. Books Autistic Book Recs The Autism Books By Autistic Authors Project Interior Design for Autism from Childhood to Adolescence TedTalks & Videos How Autism Freed Me To Be Myself | Rosie King “People tend to diagnose autism with really specific check-box descriptions, but in reality, it’s a whole variation as to what we’re like.” Invisible Diversity: A Story Of Undiagnosed Autism | Carrie Beckwith-Fellows “Everyone in this room has a unique voice — something about you that is different from others. And I want you to take a moment to think about what that difference is.” Women and Autism. Towards a Better Understanding | Sarai Pahla “I’m going to start my talk today by telling all of you that my biggest fear is that I will never be loved for who I am in a romantic relationship.” “Copy & Paste’ — Hidden Asperger’s — Girls with Aspergers | Niamh McCann “But it wasn’t me who had failed the test. It was the test that had failed me. And there are women in their thirties, forties, fifties, and even older, who are only just getting diagnosed now.” Autism — What We Know (And What We Don’t Know Yet) | Wendy Chun g “Why? Why is a question that parents ask me all the time. Why did my child develop autism? As a pediatrician, as a geneticist, as a researcher, we try and address that question.” How I Learned To Communicate My Inner Life With Asperger’s | Alix Generous Warning: sexual assault “I transferred to a new treatment center that understood my aversions, my trauma, and my social anxiety, and they knew how to treat it, and I got the help I finally needed. And after 18 months of hard work, I went on to do incredible things.” What It’s Really Like To Have Autism | Ethan Lisi “The main problem with living autistic in today’s society is that the world just isn’t built for us. There’s so many ways that we can get overwhelmed." What I’ve Learned From My Autistic Brothers | Faith Jegede Cole “Normality overlooks the beauty that differences give us, and the fact that we are different doesn’t mean that one of us is wrong. It just means that there’s a different kind of right.” The World Needs All Kinds Of Minds | Temple Grandin “I want to talk to you now about different ways of thinking. You have to get away from verbal language. I think in pictures. I don’t think in language. Now, the thing about the autistic mind is it attention to details.” Camouflaging in Autistic Women | Christine Wu Nordahl, Ph.D. Warnings: discusses suicide, mental health issues, uses some outdated autism terms “I think it’s very important to think about the subjective experiences, what are the lived experiences of people, listen to people with autism.” Behind the Mask: Autism for Women and Girls | Kate Kahle | TEDxAustinCollege “Women are better at masking because society expects more from us and it doesn’t make as many allowances for us.” Why Everything You Know About Autism is Wrong | Jac den Houting | TEDxMacquarieUniversity “Disability is something that’s being done to me. I’m actively being ‘dis-abled’ by the society around me.” Compliance is Not the Goal: Letting Go of Control and Rethinking Support for Autistic Individuals Instead of trying to control the behaviors of individuals with autism to make them indistinguishable from the general public, Amy Laurent, PhD, OTR/L suggests a positive shift in focus that supports the development of their emotional skills. People & Organizations People Tiktok is a great place to start finding like-minded people. Use the hashtag #actuallyautistic to get started or check out who I’m following because I follow a lot of autistic tiktokers and creators. Organizations Autism Canada ND Renegade & their blog Embrace Autism Spectrum News Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network Podcasts Shows Autism by Autistics Autism in the Adult The Neurodivergent Woman Episodes Autism in Girls & Woman with Dr. Donna Henderson Formal Diagnosis Resources Embrace Autism Assessment Why I Chose Not To Get A Formal Autism Diagnosis Am I Autistic? A Guide to Diagnosis for Adults ICD-11 6A02 Autism Spectrum Disorder Autism Research Introducing critical autism studies (CAS) from Anglophone research : Research acknowledging the precarious situations and oppressions lived by disabled people who are living with sensory, physical and cognitive impairments. Autism, Inc.: The Autism Industrial Complex Double empathy, explained Monotropism, Autism Explained : In nonscientific terms, we understand this phenomenon as the localized, intense attention we give to one, or a few, specific interests at a time. When this occurs, all other information in our environment does not reach our minds.

Instead of Against It In This Neurotypical World Learning I am Autistic changed many things for me. But it mostly made me realize that my brain is wired differently than others and I need to stop working against it and instead work with it. I need to use the resources available to me and my self-awareness to make my own rules. This article will cover three main topics: How to check in with your physical self How to check in with your mental self Setting boundaries, communicating needs, and using accommodations Let’s get started. Check-In With Your Physical Self It takes time and patience, but the benefits of learning how to check in with yourself and your body are enormous. As a caveat, I will admit I’m still working on this, often I don’t realize I need to eat or drink something until I’ve completed a task and stood up from my desk. However, I have developed ways to pause and check myself to make sure I don’t (always) forget to eat until I’m shaking and feeling faint. I use a basic mindfulness practice for this. I take no more than a few seconds to a minute to examine my body from head to toe. Over time I’ve increased my awareness of my body’s physical sensations through this process. I go through and ask myself questions: Does my head hurt? Is my jaw clenched? Am I hungry? Do I need to use the bathroom? I know how difficult it is to sense these things given our lack of interoception which is why I also tie in practical time-related questions: When was the last time I ate? When was the last time I used the bathroom? When was the last time I had a drink of water? Whenever I start to feel off — I’m frustrated with my work, I’m trying to push through a problem rather than find a proper solution — it usually means I’m suppressing or ignoring some physical or mental sensation. This is my cue to check in and run through the mindfulness practice. Sometimes this means switching tasks and doing something else. Other times it means packing the work away and resting. Checking in with your physical self includes recognizing when you need to rest! This can be: A nap Letting yourself sleep in Going to bed earlier than usual I keep a strict(ish) routine. I added the “ish” because occasionally for unknown reasons I’m still tired in the morning and rather than forcing myself to get up I let myself sleep. I recognize that is what my body needs and I fulfill that need. Of course, I do recognize the privilege it is to work from home and work for myself. However, even the decision to start my own business grew out of recognizing my needs. Check-In With Your Mental Self Checking in with your body ensures everything is well and good, but you must also remember your mind. This can be done during the same mindfulness practice from above. You can ask yourself if you’re feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated. How big (or small) is your mental load? How much stress or anxiety are you experiencing? I find this part of the examination works best when I write it down. I do daily check-ins in my bullet journal so I can ask myself these questions and others, such as: How have I been spending my time? How have these activities made me feel? Is there anything bothering me? Playing on repeat in my mind? How have these thoughts or issues made me feel? A little side note here: I know how difficult it is to name our emotions. I recommend using the Emotion Wheel, which you can just google, and/or reading The Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown. The book covers all sorts of emotions and feelings and helped me understand their deeper meanings. Routines are also useful for this because if 10–20 minutes are set aside each day to journal and practice mindfulness I’m more likely to do it. I even set up a whole new daily routine for myself when I realized I wasn’t being productive in the way I wanted to be. You can read more about that in this article A Look Inside an Autistic’s Daily Routine . Boundaries and Accommodations Lastly, I want to discuss boundaries and accommodations. Working with your brain, instead of against it, means having the self-awareness of your limitations and what you need help with. Boundaries The best thing I did when setting up my new routine was keeping my limitations in mind and setting boundaries. My sister and I live together and she occasionally has a day off in the middle of the week. I had to set the boundary and remind her that just because she’s off work doesn’t mean I am. I might be self-employed, but if I didn’t follow a structure I’d get nothing done. In other settings, like a workplace, this can look like taking that moment to think before answering, before taking on a task or tasks you don’t actually have the energy for. Before immediately saying “yes” think about: How you’re currently feeling? What you’re currently working on? What you will be working on soon? Do you have the mental capacity to take on something else? I know our instincts can be to people-please, but taking a minute to think about your state of mind and capabilities means you’re taking care of yourself and simultaneously preventing burnout. I say set your boundaries and make your own rules because all the neurotypical ones are made up too. Communicate Needs and Delegate The good thing about living with my sister, who is also neurodivergent, is that we both understand our limitations and deal with overstimulation. If I’m overstimulated when she comes home from work, but she still feels ok, then maybe she’ll cook supper for us that night. It’s a nice trade-off because while she cooks I can rest or stim, and then I do the dishes after we eat and I’m feeling better. Accommodations This is also where accommodations come in handy. Having this trade-off system with my sister is a type of accommodation. I can also: Take stim breaks during the day Listen to music if I’m understimulated Use my earplugs if I’m overstimulated Use the fidgets I keep in my desk Go for a walk and reset Because I’m self-employed and I work from home I have much more control over my environment and sensory input than if I worked in an office or other work environment. Final Thoughts There you have it. Checking in with and knowing yourself really pays off in the long term because the more you know and understand how your mind works the better you can optimize your life. Or in other words: work with your unique brain and its functionality rather than against it. Especially in a world that was not made for people like us.

What is self-awareness really, and how can we foster it? Many Autistic’s report being too self-aware, especially for traditional therapy. Myself included. Yet, the majority of the population is not self-aware. In What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It) by Dr. Tasha Eurich from the Harvard Business Review (2018), “found that even though most people believe they are self-aware, self-awareness is a rare quality.” Eurich states, “We estimate that only 10%–15% of the [almost 5000] people we studied fit the criteria.” This begs the question: what is missing between what we think self-awareness is and what it is? This article will examine 3 key questions: What is self-awareness? What’s the connection between Autism and self-awareness? How to foster self-awareness? Let’s get started. What is Self-Awareness? Dictionary.com ’s definition of self-awareness is being “conscious of one’s feelings, character, etc.” According to Dr. Eurich, there are two types of self-awareness. Internal Self-Awareness Internal self-awareness “represents how we see our values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions, and impact on others.” External Self-Awareness External self-awareness, “means understanding how other people view us, using those same factors listed above.” Furthermore, internal self-awareness is “associated with higher job and relationship satisfaction, personal and social control, and happiness.” However, it is, “negatively related to anxiety, stress, and depression.” So, people with external self-awareness “are more skilled at showing empathy and taking others’ perspectives.” The key takeaway is that the research found no correlation between the two. Like IQ and EQ, being high in one doesn’t necessarily mean being high in the other. What’s the Connection Between Autism and Self-Awareness? For this section, I’ll be speaking from my experience and those of the Autistic community I’ve read about. There are a high number of Autistic people who report being “too self-aware.” Therefore, a connection between the two does exist. There are two key factors for this: masking and pattern recognition. Masking First, is masking. Masking is a tool used by Autistic’s to hide their Autistic traits to appear more neurotypical. Essentially, it’s a conscious, learned tool used to blend in. This is due to the stigmatization around Autism. We can’t always safely be ourselves depending on where we are and who we’re with, so we mask. To build this mask one has to be hyper-aware of their surroundings. For example, when I mask it looks something like this: Say, I’m in a mall with my sister and we see someone we know. We go up and talk to them. Now, I’ve had no time to prepare for this interaction, I have no idea what this person is going to say or how I should react. Therefore, I’m closely monitoring their behaviour, their words, body language, and more. I’m also doing the same with myself. I’m thinking about how much eye contact I’m making or not making. I’m overthinking the words I use, the facial expressions and the body language I convey. Are my arms crossed? Ok, uncross them, they’ll think you’re standoffish. Are you smiling? Does this topic of conversation call for it? Yes, ok, keep it up. Wait, don’t interrupt them even though you want to rant about your new hyperfixation. Oh, you should say something here. But what? Oh damn, the topic changed and I’ve missed my chance. And so on. You get the point. (Note this doesn’t even include the sounds, smells, sights, etc. I’m trying to block out so I can focus on the interaction). This kind of hyper-vigilance builds internal and external awareness in Autistics. This, however, can’t happen without one core trait of Autism: pattern recognition. Pattern Recognition Autism Strengths by Embrace Autism explains “The autistic brain excels at recognizing patterns. Brain regions associated with recognizing patterns light up more in autistic people.” Due to this wiring of our brains, recognizing patterns comes easily to us. I’m constantly reflecting and reviewing my internal and external world. I’m looking for patterns that might exist. For example, there was a time when my sister and I would end up in an argument whenever we had to pet sit for our parents. Always the same argument, but various versions. Thus, a pattern emerged and I was able to examine those experiences. I then concluded what happened, why it happened, and how we could move forward. My solution was to set clear rules and boundaries for the days we’d be pet-sitting before we even got there. Once we were on the same page, there were no more arguments about who did what and when. Too Self-Aware for Therapy How does this all relate to therapy? Well, traditional talk therapy focuses on talking through experiences to understand the situation. You examine topics such as: What happened and why What was the other person possibly thinking or feeling that explains their reaction What you were thinking or feeling that explains your reaction For myself, and many others, we’ve already examined these questions using our masking and pattern recognition. We know what happened. We understand the disconnect between our communication styles. Consequently, we also understand why what happened did indeed happen. Anyway, let’s move on to why you’re here: how can you improve your self-awareness? How to Foster Self-Awareness Now, I could list off the same old advice as any other self-awareness article. But I’m going to take a different approach. Here’s how I would foster self-awareness. Look Outwards First Self-awareness focuses on the self, but to cultivate it we should look at others first. The best way to notice things about yourself is to start by noticing things about others. If you commute to work on the bus or subway, sit back, put your phone away and observe. Watch and listen to what others are doing. Are they bored or tired? Are they angrily answering a phone call or sitting quietly and reading a book? In the office or workplace, what are some of your coworkers’ quirks you’ve picked up on? How well do you get along? How receptive are they to feedback? How well do they work in teams? When you get a handle on answering these types of questions about others, then you can ask them of yourself too. Get Comfortable With Cognitive Dissonance The wonderful thing about being human is our paradoxes and contradictions. We are a complex universe of good and bad, right and wrong, like and dislike. So, to foster that self-awareness of yours, get comfortable with these contradictory beliefs. Get comfortable with cognitive dissonance. Dictionary.com describes cognitive dissonance as “anxiety or discomfort that results from simultaneously holding contradictory or otherwise incompatible attitudes, beliefs, or the like. Such as when someone likes a person but disapproves strongly of one of their habits.” When you reflect on your self-awareness, you will stumble upon some conflicting things. Think about something your parents taught or instilled in you, that you no longer follow. Consider who you thought you’d be when you “grew up,” versus who you actually are now. Change is inevitable, yes, but what matters most is how we respond to it. This leads well to my third point. Be Honest Be honest with yourself. Admit that you have changed. That the argument with your best friend was your fault, or that you really are good at that new hobby you tried out. I’m not saying it won’t be difficult, but try your best to be honest. Examine yourself, the way you might examine a friend. This is why we should look outwards at others first. There does come a time when you should get personal feedback though. Get Some Feedback Talk to your close friends and/or family and ask for an honest review. This pulls in the second type of self-awareness: external self-awareness. Otherwise known as understanding how others view us. So ask around about how others perceive you. This is also important at work. No matter what position you hold, talk to your colleagues. Get some honest feedback on how you can be a better employee, manager, or CEO. Ask What, Not Why The popular question to ask yourself when journaling or introspecting is “Why.” But how helpful is that really? As it turns out, it’s not. To quote Dr. Eurich, “The problem with introspection isn’t that it is ineffective. It’s that most people are doing it incorrectly.” Her research found that “‘why’ appeared fewer than 150 times, [but] the word ‘what’ appeared more than 1,000 times.” Therefore, the better question to ask is “What.” Eurich provides two examples of this. Instead of: why do I feel so terrible? Try” What are the situations that make me feel terrible, and what do they have in common?” When receiving negative feedback, instead of: why did you say this about me? Try: what are the steps I need to take in the future to do a better job?” By reframing these questions from why to what you’re able to view the situation more objectively. A Self-Awareness Assessment I found a short self-awareness test from the iNLP Center . It has 12 multiple-choice questions with five different outcomes/scores you can achieve. Take the Self Awareness Test — Discover Your Hidden Opportunity for Growth and Success. Final Thoughts Alright, here’s what we’ve learned: You’re probably not as self-aware as you think you are. Unless you’re Autistic because you can mask and have excellent pattern recognition. For the non-autistics, there are, thankfully, practical ways to foster your self-awareness. Get curious, be honest, and be open to not who you think you are or should be, but who you are.

From Tumblr’s Writeblr I joined Tumblr years ago because Fandom was–and still is–an important part of my life. However, it also acted as my first online writing community. I learned a lot during my early years as a new writer because of Tumblr. Recently, I decided to gather up all the posts that influenced me the most and made me a better writer in the hopes that they might help you too. Let’s get started. First up, reducing filler words. 1 | Reducing Filler Words This post by @thewritingumbrellas suggests opening up your manuscript and searching for the words “there is” or “there was” (depending on your chosen perspective). They go on to state: Find all the description or action that starts with “there” and change it.“There is a strike of lightning,” becomes “Lightning strikes the sky.”“There is panic building in his chest,” becomes “Panic builds in his chest.” You do not have to do this every single time. But it can help declutter your writing. 2 | Paragraph Spacing and TiPToP I generally knew how to separate paragraphs when I started writing, but it was based more on vibes than actual writing techniques. So, this post on TiPToP changed the game for me. TiPToP is an acronym for: Time Place Topic Person This means every time one of the above changes you enter down to a new paragraph. 3 | “The bigger the issues, the smaller your write.” This next post was just a quote from author Richard Price , but it is a powerful quote. “The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.” While this advice can come in later during edits, I like to keep it in mind when I’m drafting. I end up using my imagination and creativity more when I remember to write small. 4 | Good and Bad Adverbs This post is from the book Writing Tools by Roy Peter Clark . I haven’t picked up this book yet, but it’s on my TBR, and for good reason. Clark states: To understand the difference between a good adverb and a bad adverb, consider these two sentences: “She smiled happily” and “She smiled sadly.” Which one works best? The first seems weak because “smiled” contains the meaning of “happily.” On the other hand, “sadly” changes the meaning.Remember the song “Killing Me Softly?” Good adverb. How about “Killing Me Fiercely?” Bad adverb.Look also for weak verb-adverb combinations that you can revise with stronger verbs: “She went quickly down the stairs” can become “She dashed down the stairs.” “He listened surreptitiously” can become “He eavesdropped.” Give yourself a choice. I am terrible with adverbs. I know I use them a lot. I cringe a little inside whenever I type in that “ly.” But sometimes you just have to have them there. So, I think back to this passage. If I’m going to use an adverb, might as well at least make it a good one. 5 | “Wiggle your pencil.” My 12th-grade creative writing teacher offered similar advice. But here’s what Tumblr user @sailordivinity has to say : The best writing teacher I ever had wasn’t the one who taught me grammar and spelling. He wasn’t the one who taught me outlining and paragraph structure, nor was he the one who taught me about themes, motifs, and symbolism.He said, “Wiggle your pencil.Put the tip of your pencil on the paper and keep the eraser end wiggling.If you have nothing to write, write that: I have nothing to write, I have nothing to write, I have nothing to write, I have nothing to write, and eventually, by force of boredom, something else will come out.We would take 30–45 minutes every day to ‘wiggle our pencils’ in our wide-ruled notebooks, during which time, he was silent except to remind anyone who stopped to keep that pencil moving. 6 | “Your daily, friendly reminder.” Ever wondered where to actually place that comma or how to integrate dialogue into your writing? I have, and Google never gave me a straight answer. Thankfully, Tumblr did. Several writers came together to put this masterpiece of a post together. “This is your daily, friendly reminder to use commas instead of periods during your story’s dialogue,” she said with a smile.“Unless you are following the dialogue with an action and not a dialogue tag.” He took a deep breath and sat back down after making the clarifying statement.“However,” she added, shifting in her seat, “it’s appropriate to use a comma if there’s action in the middle of a sentence.”“True.” She glanced at the others. “You can also end with a period if you include an action between two separate statements.”“And–” she waved a pen as though to underline her statement–“if you’re interrupting a sentence with an action, you need to type two hyphens to make an en-dash.” 7 | Five Words If you are a writer, you’ve probably seen this passage already, but it’s worth sharing because it allowed me to incorporate variety into my sentence structure. A Tumblr user quotes Gary Provost in this post. “This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals — sounds that say listen to this, it is important.” 8 | The Writing Equivalent of a “Lens Flare” This writing advice came from The Elements of Eloquence by Mark Forsyth , which I have read and highly recommend. The post begins… “Writing a novel when you imagine all your stories in film format is hard because there’s really no written equivalent of ‘lens flare’ or ‘slow motion montage backed by a Gregorian choir.’” Another user reblogged with a very detailed answer. You can get the same effect of a lens flare with close-detail descriptions, combined with breaks to new paragraphs. Your slow-motion montage backed by a Gregorian choir can be done with a few techniques that all involve repetition. First is epizeuxis, the repeating of a word for emphasis. Example: Falling. Falling. Falling. There was nothing to keep Marie from plunging into the rolling river below. She could only hope for a miracle now, that she would come out alive somehow despite a twenty-foot drop into five-foot-deep water. Then there’s anaphora, where you write several phrases with the same words at the beginning. There were still mages out there living in terror of shining steel armour emblazoned with the Sword of Mercy. There were still mages out there being forced by desperation into the clutches of demons. There were mages out there being threatened with Tranquility as punishment for their disobedience, and the threats were being made good upon. Mages who had attempted to flee, but knew nothing of the outside world were forced to return to their prison out of need for sustenance and shelter. Mages who only desired to find the families they were torn from. Mages who only wanted to see the sun. This kind of repetition effectively slows the pace of your writing and puts the focus on that small scene. That’s where you get your slow pan. The same repetition also has a subtle musicality to it depending on the words you use. That’s where you get the same vibe as you might get from a Gregorian choir. Final Thoughts I haven’t published any of my fiction (yet), but I’ve been writing for several years and I get better with every sentence. And a piece of advice I come across on Tumblr. While you should take most advice with a grain of salt when you’re first starting, it’s also helpful to test out different tips and techniques like the ones above. It’s how you find your unique style and voice as a writer. What writing tips or advice do you have? Share them in the comments below. I might have years of experience behind me, but I still love learning and testing new techniques.

And why routines are so important for Autistics. Published in Neurodivergent Life on Medium Rewind to May 2024. I wasn’t getting anything done. Unfocused, unmotivated, and utterly exhausted. When I sat down to work, I felt like I was already running on fumes. Being Autistic, I have a certain amount of energy each day and I need to use it wisely. Thus, something needed to change. But first, I needed to find the root of the problem. Examining The Daily Routine I reviewed my daily routine (this was an easy step because I keep a journal). I quickly noted that the morning part of the routine was lengthier than the rest of the day. To get a better picture of this I wrote a list of everything I do in a day. I tried to keep the list as in order as possible. Nothing was too small to add on. For example: Get out of bed Make the bed Open the curtains Pour and eat cereal for breakfast Etc. Next, I assigned one or more points to each item depending on the amount of energy I spent on it. If you do this for yourself, don’t overthink it. The goal is to get a general idea of where you’re spending your energy throughout the day. Lastly, I added up the points for each section of the day: Morning Afternoon (work and lunch) Late Afternoon (supper) Evening My hypothesis was indeed correct. I spent a third of my energy in the morning before I even sat down to work. Yikes! No wonder I wasn’t getting anything work done. Why Do Autistic’s Like Routines So Much? Before I explain my new Plan™ that resulted from this exercise, I want to take a look at how and why routines are so important to Autistic’s like me. “The point is not what the routine consists of, but how steady and safe your subconscious mind is made through repetitive motions and expected outcomes.” Brianna Wiest, 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think, pg. 17. Wiest may not be Autistic, but she clearly understands the value of routines. Every Autistic will have different routines and their own reasons for having them. Here are just a few of those possible reasons. 1 | Routines Are Familiar and Safe As Wiest pointed out, routines can help calm your mind due to their familiarity. I’d take this one step further and say they also bring a certain amount of safety and comfort. While I, and many other neurodivergent’s outside of Autistics, have to consciously think about each step of our day , the amount of mental energy spent lessens because we’re not having to think up new ideas or ways of doing things. Routines mean we can simply do each task and do them with ease because they aren’t brand new, but familiar. 2 | Routines Provide Structure and Predictability Similar to the above, routines can also provide structure and predictability. I think it’s worth separating these two points because while routines are familiar, the underlying reason why Autistic’s often cling to them is because of the structure they provide. The world is unpredictable, chaotic, and unexpected to say the least. This is difficult for my Autistic brain to process. I’m constantly absorbing sensory input and it uses up a lot of my energy, more so when I’m in a new environment and/or meeting new people. A routine looks like taking the same route to the grocery store, going to the same grocery store each and every time, and maybe even choosing the same cashier. While this doesn’t negate the sensory input I’m receiving, the small moments of routine and predictability help counter the overwhelming environment. 3 | Routines Have Sensory Benefits Routines have sensory benefits because you have more control over your environment and can work in sensory/stimming breaks. I include a 15-minute walk around my neighbourhood (weather permitting) mid-afternoon. The walk makes sure I get some form of exercise each day, but it also lets me enter a familiar environment outside of my home (because I wfh) where I can take in the sights and sounds, i.e. the sensory input. This also acts as a transitionary period. Task switching is difficult for me and many Autistic’s, so the sensory walk gives me a much needed break in the middle of the day and helps me transition between projects I’m working on. 4 | Routines Offer A Sense of Purpose Fourth and finally, routines can provide a sense of purpose. Rather than aimlessly go about each day, a routine guarantees pre-set tasks get completed and you’ve accomplished something , whether that be writing an article or just making the bed. Autistic’s have an eye for detail however, this means we can forget the big picture sometimes. This is one of the reasons I keep a journal and recommend others do as well. A journal or to-do list gives me that visual overview of everything I’ve completed in a day, from the smallest, everyday tasks to the larger projects I’m working on. It helps me see the bigger picture and that I am working toward my goals and living a purposeful life. The New Routine Now that we’ve covered why routines are important, let’s move on to how I created a new one that makes better use of my energy levels throughout the day. As I mentioned earlier I realized I was spending most of my time and energy in the morning. Except I know I am most productive in the morning which means I should be working on…well work. While I would try to do all the little tasks first thing in the morning such as doing the cat litter, the dishes, making the bed, and more, I moved some of those things down to the afternoon. This way I can start working and being productive right after I’m done getting ready for the day. Here’s what my routine looks like now. Morning You’ll only find the bare minimum here. These are the tasks that help set me up for the day ahead like making the bed and tidying up my workspace. Afternoon I spend most of the afternoon working, but I have built in an hour mid-day to get lunch, go on my walk, and do some of those previous morning tasks like the cat litter. As I said above, this mid-day break is a nice way to transition into new tasks. Late-Afternoon After I’m done with the work day I take some time to practice gratitude and journal. I also plan for the day ahead. This is a nice transition and a way to wind down before I head down to the kitchen to cook some supper. Evening I spend the rest of my day reading or watching a show or movie to unwind. I’ve been really into documentaries lately, and the dedicated reading hour means I’ve read much more consistently. I also try to set myself up for a good start the next morning by choosing what I’m going to wear beforehand. It’s one less decision I have to make the next day. Final Thoughts I’ve been practicing this new routine for a month now and I am amazed at how much I’m getting done and how balanced I feel. I haven’t been on social media as much. Actually, I’m sort of taking a break from social media. I haven’t been following such a strict content schedule and therefore am feeling less anxious and stressed out. I also make time to write almost every day and it’s fantastic! Whether that’s writing an article/blog or a piece of fiction, I’m really enjoying stretching my creative muscles. Writing is my true passion after all. All of this together, minimal social media and a set routine that balances my energy levels, means I even have some extra time in the day to learn something new or take a free course. I’ve somehow managed to build a routine that doesn’t exhaust me, gives me that work-life balance, and allows me to pursue both professional and personal goals. Who would have thought this was possible? Not me. Not a month ago. Now, I will put in a small disclaimer here that l keep some things flexible. During each transition period, I try to assess where I’m at and what I feel up to. So, maybe I don’t write every day, or I only get an hour of work done, but the routine gives me a framework to operate within. So, there you have it, a look into my routine that works with my Autistic brain and why routines are so important to many Autistics.

Three Methods to Get Out of Your Head Published in Good Vibes Club on Medium It’s late. You’re lying in bed trying to sleep. You’ve lost count of the number of times you’ve rolled over. Your mind is spinning in circles, the same unrelenting and useless thoughts circling from one to the next and then back again like some kind of never-ending rollercoaster. It’s driving you crazy. Not only the thoughts themselves but the looping of them all, an instant replay you never asked for. I call these “thought loops.” A term not of my invention, but one that is fitting, nonetheless. I used to get pulled down by these thought loops and have no idea how to escape their needy grasp. But I have learned. I have found ways to disentangle myself and stop the loop. They are as follows: Writing it all down Distracting through joy and gratitude Creating an action plan that focuses on what I can control These methods can work together in combination but do not have to. Also, keep in mind that each one can benefit a specific situation, but not always another. Sometimes writing it all down is enough. Other’s I need to do more, or I know writing it down won’t help in this particular situation. Got it? Got it. Alright, let’s flesh out the first method: writing it all down. Writing It Down I am a huge proponent of journaling. It’s a practice I’ve cultivated and improved on over several years. While I know it’s not for everyone, if it’s been a while since you’ve tried, I suggest giving it one more chance. Not only is journaling a good way to record events but I recently learned that writing down a memory increases the likelihood of forgetting that memory (from The Memory Illusion by Dr. Julia Shaw). I think this is why I often feel the weight of the thought loops lifted after a good journaling session. My mind has allowed those memories to exist outside of myself, so I don’t have to hold onto them. I also recommend journaling because it is a relatively inexpensive and healthy way to process complex thoughts and emotions. You also don’t have to write if you don’t want to. You can record yourself or you can type it out on your phone or computer. If writing really isn’t your thing, remember there’s more than one way to journal. Distraction Through Joy Occasionally I can recognize when I’m overthinking, I just have to distract myself, get out of my own head and my own way. So, when I need a good distraction, I turn to the activities that bring me joy. These can include, but are not limited to: Watching a favourite comfort show Going on a walk Free-writing session Reading a book (or re-reading a favourite) Baking Listening to music Lighting a candle Not all these are intensive and require a lot of physical or mental energy. Sometimes the act alone of lighting a candle and just sitting to listen to music is enough to bring myself (and my overthinking mind) back to the present. Otherwise, I’ll spend some time writing down what I’m grateful for or go outside to just observe. Essentially there are two ways to distract yourself from overthinking: Do something that brings you joy and stay “busy” Do nothing, take in the present moment, and slow down I actually like to do this before I journal. I know it takes my mind longer to process things. So, by distracting myself it gives my subconscious time to process, thus when I do sit down to write, I’m already a little distanced from the intense thoughts and feelings. Action Plan Lastly, when all else fails, it’s time to create a plan. I’m sure many of us know the feeling of not knowing where or how to start. My thought loops and overthinking can arise from this feeling. I don’t know where to start, I panic, and then I overthink everything just to end up doing absolutely nothing. And then I might panic even more because I haven’t done anything yet. So, once I can get out of my own head, and using one of the two methods above usually helps, I sit down and create an action plan. I write down the issue or problem at hand and then what I’m trying to accomplish. I brainstorm some practical and manageable steps to take to move toward this goal/resolution. The hiccup I often face here is forgetting what I can and cannot control. I have to remember to focus on what I can do versus what is someone else’s responsibility. Let’s look at an example. Say you’re working on updating your resume and applying for a new job. There are two things within your control: Your resume Your application Anything beyond that is up to the hiring manager. Of course, you can also spend time researching the company, following them on social media, etc. but ultimately, you’ve done what you can, and the rest is out of your hands until you get a response. Make sense? Excellent. Final Thoughts There you have it, three ways to come back to the self and get back on track after overthinking. Writing it all down, distracting yourself, or making a plan are all great ways to overcome thought loops . But they are not the only ways. So, leave a comment below if there’s anything you do to “stop overthinking” or “get out of your head.” Let’s share the strategies that work for us because they just might help someone else too.

Published in The Live. Love. Laugh. Pub on Medium I sit, quietly, in my bed, laptop resting before me, a candle flame flickering in my periphery. The wooden wick crackles reminding me of those marshmallow-roasting nights around a campfire on a family vacation out East. I type another line of words and glance at my sleeping cat in her bed by the window. I make sure to take a second or two to appreciate this moment. This moment and others like it are why it’s important to romanticize your life, even occasionally. In a world that begs productivity, speed, and efficiency taking time to notice the calm, the gentle, the content both rebels against the status quo and proves to us a slow, meaningful life is possible. Seeking these moments of calm in a busy world is not only wishful thinking but a necessity. We must allow ourselves to rest, to replenish our energy, to re-balance our minds and our bodies. When we remind ourselves of the present moment the worries of the past and the anxious thoughts of the future blow away in the wind. Our minds, and in turn our goals, become clearer because there is no more clutter crowding up the space. There is safety in routine. Stability in the repetitive. Love in the familiar. There is wonder in the every day and this awe can ground us, it can remind us of what really matters to us, as human beings. Because it is not money, or fame, or power that we crave, it is connection. Community. Intimacy. It’s not letting life carry on forward without stopping to appreciate it, appreciate how far we’ve come, even if there is more to go. Joy must be sought out. We must seek — no, carve out — the moments in time when time slows down or even stops. We must look up and raise our heads and our hearts to the beauty and kindness that still exists (despite what the news channels might tell us). There is goodness in this world, calm amongst the busyness, content amongst the overwhelming flow of content. So, I stop and smell the roses. I take a breath and express gratitude because life isn’t perfect, but some moments are. It’s up to us to notice them. Sometimes, it’s up to us to create them. I see the clouds covering the sun, but know rain is unlikely. I see the wind blow through the trees. I inhale that calm scent of vanilla and cashmere from my candle and let my words drift across the page. There is calm in this busy world, and it is worth finding it.